Random Thoughts...
On Friendship
The most (some might say only) genuine gift we have to offer in life is
who we are to the people we touch.
It's shameful what it can take to make us understand the importance of our
friendships. I'm a good friend, but just like most of my friends, I have
too often fallen into the habit of placing low priority on making time to
spend with the people who are important to me. Sometimes I'm even
neglectful enough that I fail to consider the importance of specific
friendships and consequently never make the appropriate effort to turn them into what they should be -
special times of sharing and creating memories together.
I've often tossed about the 'we really need to get together' phrase with a
friend, which is a genuine sentiment, but with no intention of considering how or when.
There's always the feeling that something will show itself without
intervention...as though by chance, we will find an opportunity that works
equally well without intruding too deeply on other things we might be
doing.
Well, I can tell you, this is not the way life works. I'm sitting here as
I type looking at photos of a friend I'll never again be able to make time for -
at least not face to face. I attended a memorial service [yesterday] for one
of the most influential people in my life. I haven't seen him for
18 years, and have often wondered what became of him. I never made the
time to find out.
The things I gained from that relationship so long ago, affect
my life every single day. It's too late to tell him just how much the man
he was has meant to me. Perhaps more important, I'll never again have the opportunity to
support, love or encourage him.
Do not wait to make time with friends. There isn't always tomorrow. The
rest of my life or your life could be just today or just this hour...and
even if longer, the chance to spend more time may not show itself. I think
we all know that most of our opportunities in life are those we make for
ourselves. Don't underestimate the value of true friendship. Each one is
irreplaceable and absolutely worthy of the effort to make it grow.
On The Garden
I would say gardening is one of my most exciting passtimes. There are so
many moments of pure astonishment when you can express your creativity in
a garden. I
love to create spaces that evoke sensuous pleasure. It's such a changing,
living thing. What can be more gratifying than going out in early spring to find
your old friends waking from their hybernation over the cold winter. It
is so comforting but it's also joyful. Then there are the plants that just happen to turn up for
the first time - whether from birds dropping seeds or stems, or the wind
blowing them there. That is always an amazing adventure. And of course,
the summer vegetables - Could there be a more
fulfilling end to a day than going out to gather your dinner from your
very own garden? I can't imagine anything better.
I don't grow many of today's typical cutting flowers; I lean toward
old-fashioned memories such as lilacs, hydrangeas, iris (although I
really need to help mine - they're looking sad the last couple of years),
polyantha roses, day lilies, fuschias, begonias, and cala lilies. I seldom cut
flowers to bring inside because I think they look best in the garden.
My passion in the garden is edible plants. I finally got my kumquat tree!
Citrus is so happy in this garden, we always have masses of fruit on the
orange tree. The lemons are so prolific, I can't ever give
enough away. The lime is coming into it's own again after being replanted
from a pot into the garden a couple of years ago. All the fruit trees are
beautiful and that cherry tree is producing tons of fruit. Each spring I
plant all my summer vegetables; heirloom tomatoes,
peppers, annual herbs and squash, beans and peas - I
guess from the list, you can see what we eat during late spring and
summer. And then there are the perennial herbs; thyme, rosemary, oregano,
parsley (perennial in my garden).
Gardening is a family passion; my mother spends what spare time she has in hers,
my grandmothers both had most beautiful flowers that they tended and
loved. Though I have more of a passion for edibles I'll never forget the pungent beauty of the Iris scent in grandma's
garden. There is one spot in my back garden where my grandmother, Ella
comes to visit with me on occasion. She passed away in 2001, but has
found a place to meet me in my garden.
On Food
I guess I have to admit food may be a greater passion for me than
gardening, and the passion and concepts are related to gardening.
This requires some explanation. When I say 'food', I refer to
the product itself as well as, and of equal or greater importance, food
production and food distribution, food consumption habits and eating
habits.
To put it briefly, it is extremely important to me to honor specific
values...
- Food is a fundamental human need - although it may sound
'mystical', we have a spiritual connection with the food we consume
- Purchase and eat whole food - No! not from Whole Foods Market -
food that is as close to the
earth as possible
- Organic when affordable and available
- Only organic chicken and other poultry products
- Local food products when available - opt for local over variety if
reasonable
- Minimal to no prepared foods
Since the subject of food could make a novel, you can read more about my
ideas if so
inclined.
What I
think about food and health
The next links are to
information I consider fundamental or foundational to my own ideas.
Read
reviews of Fast Food Nation
The Importance of Slow Food
Grass Fed Food & Facts
Northern California Seasonal Foods
On Cooking
Where gardening is a most exciting passtime, cooking is a relaxing one.
There is nothing more soothing at the end of a day than putting together a
simple meal of healthy foods. Some days it's nice to do one of those
all-day-long stews that make the house smell heavenly, other days just the
act of working through the ingredients and presenting a finished dish is
enough to relax me and remind me what great inherent beauty is found in
food.
Good food doesn't require fancy contortions or complexities to be
incredibly good and lovely - just simple, genuine companions. I love the
absolute beauty of simple foods. I love eating out or in, but when it
comes to cooking, I'm always looking for new ways to present a primary
ingredient in the simplest, most flavorful way. I can't imagine not having
the garden, since the best flavors come from the freshest, best quality
food.
On Music
When we think of music, we tend to think of orchestrated or composed
sounds, using conventional musical instruments or devices designed to
present or create sound effects. The more I think of music, the more I can include
other sounds in my broader definition. For example, there's a Northern Mockingbird who wakes me some mornings with his
chatter. The variety of sounds he makes in his dialog with other birds and
with me as I walk in the garden is entertaining and certainly musical.
I've also got a terrific fondness for the buzzing sounds of the insects
that are polinating the plants in my garden. What an amazing process and
how precious these creatures are to me who cause my flowers to bloom and
fruits and vegetables to grow. Then there are cat purrs. I don't know if
there is a sound quite so comforting and peaceful as that. And did you
ever consider how unique each cat purr sounds?
As for the more conventional types of music, I love Blues. It strengthens my spirit and feeds my soul. There is
something about it that mimics, in both the physical sensation and the sound, the feeling of my heart (or soul) under
emotional circumstances. It almost always takes me 'somewhere'.
When I was very young, I thought classical was
terrific with all the structure and height and depth, but I really don't enjoy
it any
longer. Life is just not structured and while I can understand how people
need the strength of the classical style of music, it doesn't touch me any
longer. Most music that I hear playing, I tend to simply tune out - it
becomes like white noise to me. There are some styles that disturb me as
well - I can't tune them out because there is something annoying about
them. These are most often styles where there is a continual repetitive aspect to
the pieces.
For me, contrary to many music fans, I want music to mold itself to my
spirit; to lay itself around me and envelope whatever is happening in my
world. I want to connect with the melodies and lyrics and re-experience my
life. I don't want an escape, but a validation and a path to move on.
Blues music does that for me.
On Life
I was looking at an old recipe book one day, trying to decide whether or
not it was something worth keeping in my collection. My focus was on the
recipes which were post WWII and very typical of the period. Although
these are sometimes very funny, I tend to not keep such things. I already
have a few in my collection, and these are not as desirable to me as older or
newer recipes. As I started to toss the book into the
recycle bin, I noticed it had clippings inside the front and back covers.
I read them, and I discovered
My
Symphony
written by William Henry Channing (1810-1884). You may read it and think
it's idealistic, but without ideals, little of value is ever
created.
While life is immense, I
would say the paradigm we adopt can be either limiting or empowering. What
Channing wrote in this poem is an idealized description of a method for
establishing values and for patterning behavior. If my goals are
established too low, I'll surely never become who I want to be. I'd
prefer to be forced to reach high and be grateful for whatever I am able
to achieve.
I am very blessed to have the
life I do. It is very full, although I continually wish there were more
time for those heart-to-hearts with friends and family that are so
elusive. Those you connect with in life and where that takes you is an
adventure of discovery and delight.
On Death
We all end life alone - no one can share the experience. While I cannot
imagine what it will be like for me, I have lost friends and family who
were close and important in my life. It is devastating when it
occurs, yet there is always a place to go in my soul where I understand and
can accept the tragedy of loss and the peace it delivers.
My hope is that when I face that moment, I can honestly look back on who I
have been and know that I was kind and good to people I encountered and
loved. I also want to know that I cared enough to listen.
I think there is great eloquence in this;
"...Life is eternal, and love is immortal,
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight."
From a prayer by Bede Jarrett, O.P.
On Love
Love is the gift of seeing (or the ability to see) the true nature of a
person, followed by the wish to help them fulfill their greatest desires and whatever else will allow them to have the best life possible.
I often think about the nature of love and it's effects on the people in my life.
I was talking with a good friend about the state of our primary relationships. We were specifically discussing how our lives have changed since the relationships began and in certain ways, we have grown away from our partners. This happens in all relationships and some people manage the changes better than others. I was describing the comfort I have in this regard in my life. In my case, we have an understanding that 'no matter what', we will always remain together. It's our version of the marriage contract, or unofficial vows. When I mentioned this to my friend, she looked at me and said, "I just don't feel that way." My response? It's not a feeling, it's a choice.
I've thought about that conversation quite a bit since then - about the different types of love and what they mean; how they influence the relationships we have and how they change us by experiencing them.
I was also recently reminded of a marvelous gift I was given many years ago. Someone I met was a catalyst in
drawing forth an understanding of how I love the people in my life. It gave me the opportunity to define the style of love I want to practice.
I was amazed to see that by honoring and practicing love in this way, by it's nature, it grows larger and encompasses more people as they come into my life.
I think that common ideas of love between two people are somewhat narrow relative to the true nature of humanity. Many people may have elements of all styles.
Primary styles blend to create secondary styles, however, we are all unique and even secondary styles are not
perfectly formulaic. My basic conclusion is that there are as many different styles and emotions engaged in loving someone as there
are people doing the loving.
Miracles
...aren't always easy to recognize. In fact, they often have so many complexities we don't recognize the miracle part until it's long passed. I never thought I'd hear the words, and yet here they are on my answering machine; "A cat came into the shelter today and when scanned we
found it had a microchip. It's George." After 13 years, someone finally
found him. We were stunned.
It just wouldn't sink in, but when we got to the shelter to pick him up,
it was exactly his face! He was nothing more than a faded coat, covering skin and bones weighing
no more than 6 pounds down from his 14 pound youthful weight, but there was
no question about it - it was him.
It was so surreal. The news media heard about the
story and it became a huge public fascination.
Before the shock even wore off, two veterinarians referred to him as a
'train wreck' with a shake of the head only someone who has companion
animals can understand. Between the shock of having him back and knowing the prognosis for a
favorable recovery was slim to non-existent, it became very hard to
accept. Where was the joy of reuniting with a lost pet? He's just skin and
bones with problems we can't even fathom as yet. So how is this a miracle?
It's more like a punishment! Yet everyone says it's a miracle...
He's so sweet and as the days pass, his personality reveals
itself to be the same as the boy who left us all those years ago. I was so
destroyed when he left. It's horribly bittersweet to have him back, knowing
we'll be losing him again very soon. How do I accept this? What am I
missing? Once again, I must care for a very sick cat who requires his most
basic needs be attended to by me. But I still adore him. There's no way to
get around the fact that he's my boy and trusts me absolutely.
We decided that at 16, it would be unkind to put him through the agony of
extensive diagnostics, poking and prodding unless he seemed to have a
desire to live. We did the basic diagnostic testing then took him home to
see if he'd decide to eat and drink on his own, while we awaited the test
results. He did start to eat and even to play a bit, but taking care of
him - keeping enough food and enough fluids going in takes a huge toll.
I've felt from the beginning of this that we needed to take one thing at a
time. We
decided to do the next test and after that the next because of the evidence of
our eyes - he was interested and involved in the process of living.
Still everyone outside the household calls it a miracle, and it is. At a
time when microchipping pets was very rare, and not an accpeted practice
by agencies devoted to animal care, we chose that path. Not only that, but the
veterinary hospital who did the implant, which we hadn't used for several
years, had a record of the chip number
and which pet it was associated with. They also had our most current phone number
which had changed some years prior. Any of these circumstances could
have been different and we'd have never had this opportunity.
So, how to understand the sadness of the situation. A friend says events
are just events. We
provide the context for the events in our lives and therefore, the way we
interpret the event defines the significance the event will have for
us. I believe there is a reason for this event in my life. Interestingly, every one else views this specific situation from their own
point of view. The miracle is unique to everyone who knows of it. Most
people consider it a miracle, but each seems to see a slightly different
miracle.
It's been difficult for me to make decisions for George without
understanding
the significance of having him back. In fact, I've been worried my
decisions about him would be overly imbued with my own self-interests.
Then, on Thursday we received a cancer diagnosis. I agree with my friend about context -
I see this through my lens as everyone else does through theirs. I believe
now
this is an opportunity to help George, a profoundly good friend, to exit
this life and move on to his next with dignity and peace. I do not believe
I would have understood without each step leading up to the discovery of
cancer. I wonder
sometimes when I look at him if he wished or requested coming home to us,
with the understanding that his previous circumstances would have resulted
in a very painful end of days. Not that his end wouldn't be painful, but he had
his own room with a private bath :) and from the first moment he entered
it, he was completely at ease.
There is no cure for his disease. We chose not to extend his life by any
extreme means. He was
medicated with a few drugs to help ease pain, increase appetite and
eliminate infection. We decided if going into the garden would shorten his
time with us, at least his remaining time would be happy.
George - stories &
photos
Who are You?
Now you know who I am...tell me, who are you?
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