Random Thoughts...

The most (some might say only) genuine gift we have to offer in life is who we are to the people we touch. It's shameful what it can take to make us understand the importance of our friendships. I'm a good friend, but just like most of my friends, I have too often fallen into the habit of placing low priority on making time to spend with the people who are important to me. Sometimes I'm even neglectful enough that I fail to consider the importance of specific friendships and consequently never make the appropriate effort to turn them into what they should be - special times of sharing and creating memories together.

I've often tossed about the 'we really need to get together' phrase with a friend, which is a genuine sentiment, but with no intention of considering how or when. There's always the feeling that something will show itself without intervention...as though by chance, we will find an opportunity that works equally well without intruding too deeply on other things we might be doing.

Well, I can tell you, this is not the way life works. I'm sitting here as I type looking at photos of a friend I'll never again be able to make time for - at least not face to face. I attended a memorial service [yesterday] for one of the most influential people in my life. I haven't seen him for 18 years, and have often wondered what became of him. I never made the time to find out. The things I gained from that relationship so long ago, affect my life every single day. It's too late to tell him just how much the man he was has meant to me. Perhaps more important, I'll never again have the opportunity to support, love or encourage him.

Do not wait to make time with friends. There isn't always tomorrow. The rest of my life or your life could be just today or just this hour...and even if longer, the chance to spend more time may not show itself. I think we all know that most of our opportunities in life are those we make for ourselves. Don't underestimate the value of true friendship. Each one is irreplaceable and absolutely worthy of the effort to make it grow.

On The Garden

I would say gardening is one of my most exciting passtimes. There are so many moments of pure astonishment when you can express your creativity in a garden. I love to create spaces that evoke sensuous pleasure. It's such a changing, living thing. What can be more gratifying than going out in early spring to find your old friends waking from their hybernation over the cold winter. It is so comforting but it's also joyful. Then there are the plants that just happen to turn up for the first time - whether from birds dropping seeds or stems, or the wind blowing them there. That is always an amazing adventure. And of course, the summer vegetables - Could there be a more fulfilling end to a day than going out to gather your dinner from your very own garden? I can't imagine anything better.

I don't grow many of today's typical cutting flowers; I lean toward old-fashioned memories such as lilacs, hydrangeas, iris (although I really need to help mine - they're looking sad the last couple of years), polyantha roses, day lilies, fuschias, begonias, and cala lilies. I seldom cut flowers to bring inside because I think they look best in the garden.

My passion in the garden is edible plants. I finally got my kumquat tree! Citrus is so happy in this garden, we always have masses of fruit on the orange tree. The lemons are so prolific, I can't ever give enough away. The lime is coming into it's own again after being replanted from a pot into the garden a couple of years ago. All the fruit trees are beautiful and that cherry tree is producing tons of fruit. Each spring I plant all my summer vegetables; heirloom tomatoes, peppers, annual herbs and squash, beans and peas - I guess from the list, you can see what we eat during late spring and summer. And then there are the perennial herbs; thyme, rosemary, oregano, parsley (perennial in my garden).

Gardening is a family passion; my mother spends what spare time she has in hers, my grandmothers both had most beautiful flowers that they tended and loved. Though I have more of a passion for edibles I'll never forget the pungent beauty of the Iris scent in grandma's garden. There is one spot in my back garden where my grandmother, Ella comes to visit with me on occasion. She passed away in 2001, but has found a place to meet me in my garden.

On Food

I guess I have to admit food may be a greater passion for me than gardening, and the passion and concepts are related to gardening. This requires some explanation. When I say 'food', I refer to the product itself as well as, and of equal or greater importance, food production and food distribution, food consumption habits and eating habits.

To put it briefly, it is extremely important to me to honor specific values...

Since the subject of food could make a novel, you can read more about my ideas if so inclined.
What I think about food and health
The next links are to information I consider fundamental or foundational to my own ideas.
Read reviews of Fast Food Nation
The Importance of Slow Food
Grass Fed Food & Facts
Northern California Seasonal Foods

On Cooking

Where gardening is a most exciting passtime, cooking is a relaxing one. There is nothing more soothing at the end of a day than putting together a simple meal of healthy foods. Some days it's nice to do one of those all-day-long stews that make the house smell heavenly, other days just the act of working through the ingredients and presenting a finished dish is enough to relax me and remind me what great inherent beauty is found in food.

Good food doesn't require fancy contortions or complexities to be incredibly good and lovely - just simple, genuine companions. I love the absolute beauty of simple foods. I love eating out or in, but when it comes to cooking, I'm always looking for new ways to present a primary ingredient in the simplest, most flavorful way. I can't imagine not having the garden, since the best flavors come from the freshest, best quality food.

On Music

When we think of music, we tend to think of orchestrated or composed sounds, using conventional musical instruments or devices designed to present or create sound effects. The more I think of music, the more I can include other sounds in my broader definition. For example, there's a Northern Mockingbird who wakes me some mornings with his chatter. The variety of sounds he makes in his dialog with other birds and with me as I walk in the garden is entertaining and certainly musical. I've also got a terrific fondness for the buzzing sounds of the insects that are polinating the plants in my garden. What an amazing process and how precious these creatures are to me who cause my flowers to bloom and fruits and vegetables to grow. Then there are cat purrs. I don't know if there is a sound quite so comforting and peaceful as that. And did you ever consider how unique each cat purr sounds?

As for the more conventional types of music, I love Blues. It strengthens my spirit and feeds my soul. There is something about it that mimics, in both the physical sensation and the sound, the feeling of my heart (or soul) under emotional circumstances. It almost always takes me 'somewhere'.

When I was very young, I thought classical was terrific with all the structure and height and depth, but I really don't enjoy it any longer. Life is just not structured and while I can understand how people need the strength of the classical style of music, it doesn't touch me any longer. Most music that I hear playing, I tend to simply tune out - it becomes like white noise to me. There are some styles that disturb me as well - I can't tune them out because there is something annoying about them. These are most often styles where there is a continual repetitive aspect to the pieces.

For me, contrary to many music fans, I want music to mold itself to my spirit; to lay itself around me and envelope whatever is happening in my world. I want to connect with the melodies and lyrics and re-experience my life. I don't want an escape, but a validation and a path to move on. Blues music does that for me.

On Life

I was looking at an old recipe book one day, trying to decide whether or not it was something worth keeping in my collection. My focus was on the recipes which were post WWII and very typical of the period. Although these are sometimes very funny, I tend to not keep such things. I already have a few in my collection, and these are not as desirable to me as older or newer recipes. As I started to toss the book into the recycle bin, I noticed it had clippings inside the front and back covers. I read them, and I discovered My Symphony written by William Henry Channing (1810-1884). You may read it and think it's idealistic, but without ideals, little of value is ever created.

While life is immense, I would say the paradigm we adopt can be either limiting or empowering. What Channing wrote in this poem is an idealized description of a method for establishing values and for patterning behavior. If my goals are established too low, I'll surely never become who I want to be. I'd prefer to be forced to reach high and be grateful for whatever I am able to achieve.

I am very blessed to have the life I do. It is very full, although I continually wish there were more time for those heart-to-hearts with friends and family that are so elusive. Those you connect with in life and where that takes you is an adventure of discovery and delight.

On Death

We all end life alone - no one can share the experience. While I cannot imagine what it will be like for me, I have lost friends and family who were close and important in my life. It is devastating when it occurs, yet there is always a place to go in my soul where I understand and can accept the tragedy of loss and the peace it delivers.

My hope is that when I face that moment, I can honestly look back on who I have been and know that I was kind and good to people I encountered and loved. I also want to know that I cared enough to listen.

I think there is great eloquence in this;

On Love

Love is the gift of seeing (or the ability to see) the true nature of a person, followed by the wish to help them fulfill their greatest desires and whatever else will allow them to have the best life possible.

Circumstances lately have coalesced to make me think about the nature of love and it's effects.

I was talking with a good friend a few weeks ago and the subject of our primary relationships was the dominant thread. The topic was how we've changed from who we were when the relationships began and in some ways, have grown away from our partners. This happens in all relationships and some people manage the changes better than others. I was describing the comfort I have in this regard with Frank because we have an absolute understanding that 'no matter what', we will always remain together. When I said this, she looked at me and said, "I just don't feel that way." My response? It's not a feeling, it's a choice.

I've thought about that conversation quite a bit since then - about the different types of love and what they mean; how they influence the relationships we have and how they change us by experiencing them.

I was also recently reminded of a marvelous gift I was given many years ago. Someone I met was a catalyst in drawing forth an understanding of how I love the people in my life. It gave me the opportunity to define the love I have for Frank. I was also amazed to see that by honoring and practicing love my way, by it's nature, it grows larger and encompasses more people as I bring them into my life.

I think that common ideas of love between two people are somewhat narrow relative to the true nature of humanity. After reading again recently about the six types of love defined by the ancient Greeks, I am reminded which types are at work in me. Many people may have elements of all three primary styles. The primary styles blend to create the secondary styles, however, we are all unique and even secondary styles are not perfectly descriptive of how we love others. My basic conclusion is that there are as many different styles and emotions engaged in loving someone as there are people doing the loving.

The reason I can make a choice to always be with Frank is because of the nature of the love I have for him which I would define as Agape. In my analysis, I think this is an extension of the primary styles rather than an alternative or culminated style. The right combination of styles can prevent harming or diminishing your partner or lover. However, I think it's important to understand that if you don't honor and practice your combination of styles, you can create an environment of harm or an attitude that is disrespectful of your lover.

Here are some of my simplified descriptions of the six types or styles of love:

Primary - The basic aspects of love.

Secondary - Develop based on combinations and/or distortions of primary types.

It is worth noting that when your style of loving someone is primarily based in both Eros and Storge, a most incredible phenomenon occurs. Your love grows ever more encompassing, bringing more and more people into it's life, like energy feeding on energy. The more you love genuinely, the more you can love. It grows. You lose the need and perhaps the desire to be possesive.

Frank and I often joke with people who applaud our long history together by saying we certainly love each other, but whether we like each other depends on the day and sometimes the hour. In fact even in the past 5 years, there have been moments of significant discord. However, regardless of the changes in our world, our life and ourselves over these years, I can say very truthfully that I like him and love him more right now than I have ever before. He will say the same. We are closer today than we were 10 years ago or 20 years ago.

Even though we have the commitment to always be together, we realize that as changing people, there may come a day when circumstances will lead us to a different outcome. However, throughout countless crisis and losses, as well as many heights of joy, we've so far managed to honor the choice.

If there is any secret to how we've been able to hold onto the commitment we have to each other, I imagine it must be wrapped up in the combined style of love we have together - an even larger love issue to contemplate! And perhaps another important relationship 'must have' - Frank's grandmother gave us a piece of advice many years ago which we really took to heart. Never go to bed angry with one another.

Miracles

I never thought I'd hear the words, and yet here on my answering machine they were left; "A cat came into the shelter today and when scanned we found it had a microchip. It's George." After 13 years, someone finally found him. We were stunned. It just wouldn't sink in, but when we got to the shelter to pick him up, it was exactly his face! He was nothing more than a faded coat, covering skin and bones weighing no more than 6 pounds down from his 14 pound youthful weight, but there was no question about it - it was him. It was so surreal. The news media heard about the story and it became a huge public fascination.

Before the shock even wore off, two veterinarians referred to him as a 'train wreck' with a shake of the head only someone who has companion animals can understand. Between the shock of having him back and knowing the prognosis for a favorable recovery was slim to non-existent, it became very hard to accept. Where was the joy of reuniting with a lost pet? He's just skin and bones with problems we can't even fathom as yet. So how is this a miracle? It's more like a punishment! Yet everyone says it's a miracle...

He's so sweet and as the days pass, his personality reveals itself to be the same as the boy who left us all those years ago. I was so destroyed when he left. It's horribly bittersweet to have him back, knowing we'll be losing him again very soon. How do I accept this? What am I missing? Once again, I must care for a very sick cat who requires his most basic needs be attended to by me. But I still adore him. There's no way to get around the fact that he's my boy and trusts me absolutely.

We decided that at 16, it would be unkind to put him through the agony of extensive diagnostics, poking and prodding unless he seemed to have a desire to live. We did the basic diagnostic testing then took him home to see if he'd decide to eat and drink on his own, while we awaited the test results. He did start to eat and even to play a bit, but taking care of him - keeping enough food and enough fluids going in takes a huge toll. I've felt from the beginning of this that we needed to take one thing at a time. We decided to do the next test and after that the next because of the evidence of our eyes - he was interested and involved in the process of living.

Still everyone outside the household calls it a miracle, and it is. At a time when microchipping pets was very rare, and not an accpeted practice by agencies devoted to animal care, we chose that path. Not only that, but the veterinary hospital who did the implant, which we hadn't used for several years, had a record of the chip number and which pet it was associated with. They also had our most current phone number which had changed some years prior. Any of these circumstances could have been different and we'd have never had this opportunity.

So, how to understand the sadness of the situation. A friend says events are just events. We provide the context for the events in our lives and therefore, the way we interpret the event defines the significance the event will have for us. I believe there is a reason for this event in my life. Interestingly, every one else views this specific situation from their own point of view. The miracle is unique to everyone who knows of it. Most people consider it a miracle, but each seems to see a slightly different miracle.

It's been difficult for me to make decisions for George without understanding the significance of having him back. In fact, I've been worried my decisions about him would be overly imbued with my own self-interests. Then, on Thursday we received a cancer diagnosis. I agree with my friend about context - I see this through my lens as everyone else does through theirs. I believe now this is an opportunity to help George, a profoundly good friend, to exit this life and move on to his next with dignity and peace. I do not believe I would have understood without each step leading up to the discovery of cancer. I wonder sometimes when I look at him if he wished or requested coming home to us, with the understanding that his previous circumstances would have resulted in a very painful end of days. Not that his end wouldn't be painful, but he had his own room with a private bath :) and from the first moment he entered it, he was completely at ease.

There is no cure for his disease. We chose not to extend his life by any extreme means. He was medicated with a few drugs to help ease pain, increase appetite and eliminate infection. We decided if going into the garden would shorten his time with us, at least his remaining time would be happy.

George - stories & photos

On Wine & Food

On Life

Friends Who
Have Moved On

More...

Random Thoughts...

On Friendship

On The Garden

On Food

On Cooking

On Music

On Life

On Death

On Love

Miracles

Who are You?

On Wine & Food

On Life

Friends Who Have Moved On

More...

Random Thoughts...

On Friendship

On The Garden

On Food

On Cooking

On Music

On Life

On Death

On Love

Miracles

Who are You?

Friends Who
Have Moved On